Something you have to constantly work at – A Marriage!

I’ve heard mix reviews on the first year of marriage, is it the easiest or hardest. As we are coming up on our 1 year of marriage, here’s my thoughts.

Easiest because you are back in that puppy love stage, everything is fun and lovable.
Hardest because you are actually MARRIED now.

As much as I have such a positive view on life, and happiness. I have my moments of doubt and concern, much like everyone else.

Ryan and I’s relationship isn’t perfect. I am quick to remind myself, that I am not perfect, nor should I expect him to be.

In March – 17′ we will be together for 10 years, a lot has happen in 10 years. We have fought, we have broken up, we have been depressed, we have cried. We also have laughed uncontrollably, loved each other dearly, been extremely happy, and cried for many happy reasons. We have held each other in the death of our loves one, and held hands and reminisced as new families are made. Sometimes I forget but we are lucky to have each other!

In the past few years our relationship changed, we were no longer doing things together, cared where the other one was at. Didn’t seem interested in growing together, and felt like room mates. I always thought being  married would change us, we would be happy and love each other unconditionally forever, we will fill each other needs and wants instantly. That being married would Fix us. .. Boy was that not the case.

So… we bought the books, we talked, and talked, (which I hate to do).. which turned into yelling, (and I am not a yell-er). Communication was/is our down fall, we struggle with communicating our needs to each other and understanding how the other person is feeling. Well I do..I will admit communication was/is my struggle point. I constantly am trying to figure out how and what to say.

So then we started attending groups..two at our church. We are only two weeks in, and seem to be learning a lot…we have joined a “Young Marrieds” and “Marriage Builders” class. Whelp we aren’t the only ones struggling, with trust, communication, emotions, intimacy and well LIFE. Not that I thought that other relationships were perfect, heck I listen to my friends talk about theirs. But all in all it’s nice to understand and see different views on how situations should be handled. and we all aren’t perfect.

Ryan and I are complete different when it comes to communication. I am quiet, don’t want to talk when I am upset, I shut down and need my space. Ryan on the other hand wants to talk it out, say sorry, hug and get over it. This has been an adjustment the last few months. You would think we would have it figured out by now, but we don’t and we can only grow in time. Together.

I am looking forward to meeting weekly, to understand his needs while he understands mine. Communicate more at home and not keep score.

 

 

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